Boundaries: How To Guide For Holiday Season

As we step into the holiday season, it's easy to get swept up in the chaos and excitement of family get togethers, trying to create meaningful moments and traditions and the overstimulation that can come along with this time of year. Boundaries can be especially hard when words like “tradition” and “family values” are spoken about but it’s important to protect our sanity, our time, and our peace of mind while still enjoying and partaking in the holidays in a more manageable way.

The Gift Of Boundaries

Boundaries are like the unwritten rules that help us maintain a healthy balance between giving and receiving, without sacrificing our own well-being. They're not about shutting people out, but about creating space for everyone to enjoy the holidays without feeling overwhelmed or drained. But how do we set boundaries without feeling like a complete jerk?

Embrace Open Communication

Don’t be afraid to communicate your boundaries. It's not a sign of selfishness, but rather an act of self-care. Let your loved ones know what you need to make the holiday season enjoyable for you. It could be as simple as letting them know you need some alone time, or requesting that certain topics of conversation be off-limits. Maybe you ask for a pot luck style Thanksgiving instead of cooking the entire dinner, decorating and trying to be the entire ring master of the holiday.

Prioritize Your Needs

It’s perfectly okay to put yourself first. If attending every holiday event feels like too much, it's alright to pick and choose. Quality over quantity. Showing up refreshed and grounded will lead to better, higher quality moments of connections and lead to less resentment and burnout. Choose the gatherings and activities that resonate with you, and don't be afraid to decline invitations if you need some downtime.

Be Okay With Setting Time Limits

Boundaries can also be about managing your time effectively. Let people know in advance if you have a limited window for socializing. This way, you can be present and engaged without feeling obligated to stay longer than you're comfortable with. Maybe you set the time limit and surprise yourself and stay longer but that back up plan can ease some of the social or generalized anxiety many experience in social gatherings (even close family!).

Create Your Safe Space

If you're hosting, take charge of your environment. Designate a quiet area where you can retreat if things get overwhelming. Fill it with things that bring you comfort and calm, whether it's a cozy weighted blanket, a good book, video games or a quick episode of your emotional support show you’ve watched 20 times before (The Office is my go to).

Practice Self-Compassion

The holidays can be a time of heightened emotions, and it's okay to feel whatever you're feeling. Be gentle with yourself, and remember that it's alright to take a step back if you need to recharge. It doesn't mean you're letting anyone down; it means you're taking care of yourself. There can be a lot of grief that bubbles up during this time so honor the need for space to feel the waves of grief.

Flexibility Is Key

While boundaries are important, it's also crucial to remain flexible. Sometimes unexpected situations arise, and that's okay. The key is to adjust and adapt while still honoring your needs.

Reflect And Pivot

After the holiday season, take some time to reflect on how your boundaries served you. Did they make a difference? Were there areas where you could have been firmer or more flexible? This reflection can guide you in setting boundaries for future holiday seasons.

Remember, boundaries are a gift you give to yourself but they also represent love for others. If you show up authentically, you can attune to your loved ones more and are also modeling that it’s okay to say no (without a huge explanation either). They allow you to enjoy the holiday season in a way that feels authentic and fulfilling. So, go ahead, draw those lines, and embrace the joy that comes from taking care of yourself.

This Work Is Not Easy

So you’ve gotten lots of great advice, probably ideas you are already aware of. This is your reminder that it’s okay to have avoided boundaries or to struggle. They are not comfortable but they do get easier to set! Recognize that this is a work in progress and it’s okay to start small. Maybe you don’t say no to an entire event but you leave an hour earlier than you normally would allow yourself. Or you take on less tasks at a gathering and allow others to step in.

I know the feelings that come up thinking about boundaries can lead to feeling guilty, ashamed, uncomfortable but you can do this!

Allow the discomfort to be a guide, not a deterrent, in your boundary setting journey. Feel uncomfortable and set those boundaries anyway. :)